One day, when I was 26, a doctor told me my body didn’t work right. I knew this already, which is why I was there, so it didn’t come as a shock.
She gave me a bunch pills. They made me crazy and that was about it. Infertility drugs will do that to you- make you crazy and leave you with…. well, crazy.
For long time I thought deep thoughts about God, and hormones, and motherhood and pregnancy. I wasn’t entirely happy about it all, until I woke up one day and went to church and saw this family with a little girl they had adopted. And that’s when I knew that all my kids would come from somewhere else. And that the struggle we’ve been through to get to this place will have been worth it. That’s all I had at that point. A broken spirit, a improperly working body, and this vague idea that Adoption was where it was all at and what it was all about. I wasn’t entirely happy about all that either.
That was 8 years ago.
In 8 years, God has turned my heart inside out. Adoption isn’t this big scary idea out there anymore. It’s a not philosophical idea, or an action fraught with social, cultural and political ramifications. It’s me. I was adopted by God. He pursued me and made me his. He took away fear, and hardness from my heart and left me with a heart for people who are motherless. He gave me this need to love people who are not loved. That was not me 8 years ago, but it’s me today.
Adoption is a pursuit. A heart wrenching, gut twisting, budget busting pursuit of family, justice, God, and his glory. We would never have chosen this path for ourselves. And God knew that. So he broke me down and chose it for us. He gave us our first son through adoption, and now, because we must love pain and paperwork in quadruplicate, he brought us to it again.
This blog will be filled with our adoption. Paperwork, ugly crying, updates and fundraisers. One day, about 12 months from now, maybe a little more, there will be a photo with the 4 of us, and the phrase “They all mostly lived happily ever after.” But stick with us until then. Adoption is awesome.
Adoption is hard, and glorious and terrible and wonderful. It’s awesome.
If you would like to help support our adoption, You can donate here. Please note that this is not a tax deductible donation. More information about tax deductible donations wills come soon.