On Needs and Wants, and Letting Myself Go.

If you are looking for information on our fundraiser, you can donate here.  If you’d like to know how our fundraiser works, click here. We’re giving away our first gift tomorrow, so make sure you’ve sponsored your puzzle piece! Lev is personally very excited about the fundraiser, as evidenced by his enthusiastic face and fashion forward apparel choice. 882895_10151294758867117_1625825542_o

About 6 months ago, I commissioned these awesome pendants from an artist on Etsy, and I wear them whenever I feel the need to. And Lev and I look at them and talk about what they mean. The pendant of the map of NC is a reminder of where Lev was born, in Fayetteville. Lev know’s this is his pendant, becuase he tells me “LevLev” when he points at it. And he knows the other is for his new brother or sister. We’ve made it known we prefer a boy, but a girl is not out of the question. So for the moment we refer to him as Paul, which is what we plan to name him. We’ll have to pick out another name if Paul ends up being a Paulette. Either way, Lev knows the pendant is “Paul’s” and knows that Paul will be his brother. He’s catching onto the excitement! So is Alex. He tells everyone now, which is unusual for him because he is so private.

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Most of the time, they hang on one of the cabinet doors. I wear them every so often, like on Orphan Sunday or Sanctity of Life Sunday. But more often than not, I like to look at them when I find myself caught up in the particulars of adoption like I did this morning (sitting head in hands at the kitchen table reminding myself that it’s ALL OK), and think about the larger things we’re called to as a family- to love Jesus, and spread his name. To adopt orphans, to love and provide for our family and always point each other to Jesus. The smaller, more particular parts are absorbed into the larger  more fun parts. We have to have the small particulars in order to have to have a larger, happier whole. In someways, the pendants are visual grounding, a clue to what the long run will look like and a testimony to how much the Lord has changed us since he called us to adoption.

I think one of the hardest parts of adoption and parenting is how much of adoption and parenting is not about me. Yes, I want kids, and adoption is how God intended us to have them, but that’s pretty much where I end in the equation. I can get very caught up in the all the what if’s of adoption. For example: 1. What if our fundraiser is a total flop? (it’s not.)  2. What if we get a girl? (hooray! cute shoes!) 3. What if we get a referral for two kids? (almost zero chance of this happening, but if it does, we’ll faithfully consider it!) 4. What if this new little person needs speech therapy  How do I find a speech therapist? (seriously, where does this come from? LOTS of people have speech therapy  Why is this a problem this morning?) I’ve learned to recognize that all my preferences are just those: preferences. The Lord is going to give us exactly the child we need. And we’ll be the family that our little guy needs. When faced with any sort of need, what we want often goes on the back burner, and the Lord is teaching me to put my wants and preferences on the back burner joyfully and look to the things He’s giving us.

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