I’d really love post here that we have travel dates becuase today, the 24th, Lev is 3.5 years old and Violet is 21 months old.
But I can’t. Becuase we don’t.
And I wish that I could accurately describe how I feel right now. But I can’t either. Words sort of fail me right now.
So I’ll just say that I’m totally befuddled. I have lots of things to do, and lots of lists, but I simply can’t focus on any of this.
I’m so tired, I’m almost not tired.
It’s hard for me to look forward to anything, to plan anything, to say yes to anything becuase I simply don’t know if I’ll be here.
I am doing considerably better than the week that Lev was born. That week, I didn’t sleep, I cried constantly, and the adoption agency called me every day, multiple times a day. It all came to an end, and so will this.
I am not mad or bitter that these dates aren’t here. It is what it is and I can’t change it.
I am taking time to do things I want.
To get ready for this on my own schedule.
To not be rushed.
And I don’t *feel* overhwhelmed, even though I’m acting like someone who’s completely overwhelmed. I think the acting like I’m overwhelmed part is a better indicator of how I actually feel.
I’m not suffering from insomnia anymore. *Major Plus*
I thought planning another fundraiser, but I’m not going to. I’m also not going to apply to anymore grants. We got 2. I think that’s good.
I’m trusting in the fact that the Lord knows the end of this. He wrote it, after all, and he’s brought us this far.
And those are all the words I have. There aren’t anymore. You can all pray the travel dates will come quickly. I know that we’re almost there. I KNOW it. It’s just hard to hang onto that.
Enjoy Spring! Lev and I are heading out to enjoy happier weather this week.