So as I wait out the last weeks of this wacky, seemingly endless wait, I need to keep in mind the following things:

 

1. I’m not missing out on anything. The Lord has planned out all the days we get with Violet as a family. Apparently those days aren’t supposed to start yet. It’s ugly to think about that. But it’s all I’ve got at the moment. As much as I would like her to be with us already, she’s really ok where she is. I mean, if you have to be in an orphanage, her’s is the best place to be. They have a new therapy room, full of bright new toys looking out on a peaceful “back yardish” sort of place with trees. She’s well cared for, by people who’ve loved her well for almost 2 years. They are truly her fist family in some ways.

2. There’s actually no one to blame. In all honesty, I’ve directed some negative emotion in the last few days at the Facilitor in Poland, but I don’t know if thats really fair. I mean, sure, I think there should be two of her, but I really don’t know if our paperwork has been looked it in the court system. And it’s easter, and John Paul is being canonized. I’m pretty sure the whole very catholic country is in a tizzy right now. But here’s to hoping that judge  will be sitting at his desk, thinking about how he’d rather just be somewhere else, and then happen to let his gaze fall on mine and Alex’s ugly mugs in our passport pictures and say to himself, “If I have to look at this horrible looking American, and this random Russian guy anymore, I might lose my mind.” and then just stamp something official and give it back to the facilitor. But whatevs. I also imagine to myself that he spilled tea on our file, and ruined all our paperwork, and cant bring himself to tell the facillitator. Who knows. But thinking up likely scenarios keeps me from negative rumination.

3. I have this time to do what I want! And I’ve decided that lev and I are going to work on some prewriting/writing skills and some phonics. And go to the zoo, and watch too much TV, and basically yuck it up before we go to Poland. I love his little voice, how he climbs on my lap and talks about Violet, about his trains, and how he sees the world. I’ll miss it when it’s not just the 2 of us anymore, but it’s going to be super fun when VIolet finally get here.  It’s also  been fun sitting down for just a few minutes every day and learning to have a greater control over pens and crayons and sounding out letters and stuff. And in the meantime, I’ve gone back to “working”. I’ve have some fun new clients, and I’m very excited about it all. Today I blogged a wedding I worked at with a friend, and these were two of my images:

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Those are cookies and cream cupcakes people. COOKIES AND CREAM. I love weddings for many reasons, but down near the bottom of the list is that I get to sample really yummy food.

2 (9)

 

At the very least, doing mundane marketing tasks for my studio takes the edge off the wait. I’m not sure what’s in store for my studio for next year, especially now that I’ve gotten two small kids under 4 soon to be in my house, but I know that life will be fuller and richer. Photographing weddings makes my life a little busier, but also a little fuller. I’m actually really thankful for it in these last couple of weeks. I’ve missed it, but now I’m glad I started to take a couple of sessions.

 

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