Disclaimer: There’s a lot of waiting parents in our program who read this blog, as well as people thinking about adopting from Poland who are looking for info. My experience and their experience will differ very much and no adoption is the same. So from here on out as I write openly and earnestly about our experience, this “disclaimer” is going to appear at the top of my posts. Our crazy long sanctifying wait is not due to anything anyone at our agency, the facilitator, or our family has done. It just is. There’s nothing I can do about it, and it’s all our of our hands at this point. I’m doing my best to make the best of it. This is adoption, people. It is what it is. Thanks for staying calm with us
On Monday, it will be 9 months since our first trip. That’s quite a chunk of time. In that time, Lev got totally potty trained. My sister had a baby. He just arrived a couple weeks ago. I wish I could describe how much we’d like Alex to get a new job, but he can’t because we’re sitting around. But in 9 months, he could have totally found a new job. I’ve taken down the wall paper in one bathroom, and painted. We threw out so much stuff it’s almost hilarious. I’ve eaten most of the stuff in the freezer that I made to eat after we came back. It was getting freezer burned. We got $13000 in grants. WE’re very thankful for that. We’re just a couple thousand dollars away from being fully funded for this adoption adventure simply just doesn’t end. I’m trying to think up fun things to do.
Frankly I’m running out of emotional energy. Someone suggested we get together and I need to email her and say, “I have enough emotional energy to put on some bug repellant and sit on your front porch. If I summon all my strength, we could go eat a snack downtown.” I jokingly tell people that I’m on a 5 second delay. It takes a slightly longer amount of time to process things people say to me.
Anyways, the latest news is that we learned a tiny smidgy little bit about our Judge. She’s a lady. She’s not known for being timely. If you can all pray that she’ll sign the paper soon, we’d be very grateful.
I remind myself everyday, the Lord knows the end of this. When I wake up at 4 am everyone morning becuase Lev is climbing into our bed, I remind myself that we are one day closer to the day we get to go back and get Violet. And today I was thankful for a (mostly) very encouraging conversation with the agency director. She commiserated with me, and encouraged me to keep trusting in the Lord. Some of the things the Lord is teaching me about himself are very simple. He Knows. He hears. He knew all those years ago when I sat in the Dr.’s office and she told me that it was going to be an uphill battle to have bio kids. He knew on the day when I left the fertility clinic for that last time and went home and told Alex it didn’t work. I was only 28 at the time. He hears my prayers and he answers them. One of my favorite verses is from Isaiah 65:23-24:
They will not labor in vain….
for they will be a people blessed by the Lord,
they and their descendants with them.
24 Before they call I will answer;
while they are still speaking I will hear.
There’s been many many times in the last 5 years of adoption, first Lev, then Violet, that I’ve felt like I’m a slow boat to nowhere. When I first read these verses it was just so encouraging to me. There’s just so much uncertainty in adoption but knowing that the Lord hears and acts even when I can’t see it is comforting. The Lord has been so kind to give us not one, but 2 children. That kindness is not lost on me, and I think it’s what keeps me from getting totally crazy all the time. In the end, even though things are no where near where I wanted them to be, and that there are people actively wishing for Lady judge to spill red wine, or coffee or whatever on her blouse, I know that we’ll get there.