We’ve been here a month, and Violet has been with us 2.5 weeks. In some ways, it seems like a long time, but mostly, I’m amazed it’s only been 2.5 weeks. She’s come a long way in that time.
She still eats ridiculous amounts of food. Her hair is getting slightly thicker. She runs with confidence and balance, and has started climbing stairs faster. She does small steps by herself. She’ll even hold hands on the sidewalk for 2 nano seconds.
We love how independent she is.
But there are two things that stand out to me.
The first is that last night I walked by her crib and she was sleeping on her side. She slept very deeply, and didn’t make a peep before 7:30. Previously, she only slept very light, and only on her back. She’d wake up for any reason and then go back to sleeping lightly. I didn’t make a big deal about it. But when I thought about my own sleeping, I realized I only sleep on my back when I’m tense and nervous. So in my mind she was defensively sleeping. So when I walked by and she was sleeping on her side, I was so happy! I also got some brief snuggles in the morning with her sitting on my lap and resting her head on me. Violet likes to be on the move, just like Lev, so I didn’t think much about her lack of snuggling, but I feel like this is the beginning to a more relaxed and happier Violet. It’s a small thing but it will always be in the back of my mind in the future, how she would sleep on her back, and then one night, she didn’t. There’s a lot of emotion attached to that for me, and it’s hard to put into words. Learning to trust is hard to recognize. I think it’s always going to be more of a feeling for me to know that she’s learning to trust us, and the evidence will always be in the small things, like rolling onto her side in her sleep. I might never have words to describe those emotions. It’s really every emotion all at once.
The second thing that was surprising to me, more so now than when we adopted Lev, was that she has the opportunity to have favorites. SHe loves cheese and apples and plums and bread. And chasing pigeons and petting dogs, and koala bears. That stuffed Koala we brought for her is a definite favorite. I was sitting at the table today, watching her eat plums and cheese and bread, and it struck me how precious the chance to have a favorite animal, movie, food, and color is. And how close she was to not ever knowing there were things like favorites. Or plums.
It’s the small things that make life precious. Heart beats. Every small breath. Favorites. Sleeping on your side. They kill me.
When I think about all those years of NO, and ultrasounds with nothing on them, and never being promised anything in terms of kids, I’m beyond thankful the 2 little lives entrusted to us. I can’t imagine our lives any differently. It was really about them.